Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Detachment~A Day in the Life of TBT(Traumatic Brain Trauma)

Ther are days whn I awake to feel a detachment of self frm life. Its hard to describe. but it is scary as shit. I feel disconectd from my body, I wach my hands move and dont seem to undrstand how. If i hrrt myslf on thees days, I am detachd frm that also.....making the injry wors cos I dont stop in an aproprat time. Somtims this lasts for days. I walk thru my life feeling like a ghost. Seeing my husband, and needing desprtly to screem to him to help me....or seeing my dauter as she stops by and I cant undrstand the words she is saying cos it seems like evn as she is standng rite bside me it looks like she is a mile away, in my warped vision. Yes, it afects my vision like a fish eye lens. i'm a photographer and that is a perfct way to say it.
My startl reflex is horendus on thees days.

I no ther are sevrl reesns I do this. I undrstand the patholgy and mentl reesons, from PTSD of an abusive marrig, to deeling with cancer, to having traumatic brain trauma from that, and the endless radiashn and treetmnt.......

but ultimatly it dosnt mattr WHAT coses it. What mattrs is to STOP IT. I forse myslf OFF the computr, OWT of my bedroom. I forse myslf to speek to my lovd ones, and to let my husband no i am feeling this way so he can be aware and help me back to good. I'm blessd. I'm an aquarius with an aquarian husband. perfect.

If you suffr from depressn, PTSD, anxiety, fear of leeving your home, or th many reesns of TBT, I hope this helps you.
Evn whn it dosnt feel reel, forse yourslf to reech out to sombdy. and tell thm exacly what is hapning to yuo within yuor head. let them no just how scary it is. I have ben brot close to suisidal thots due to this condishn. It is VITAL that yuo make sombdy in yuor life aware of this condishn so if thay notise you pulling away thay can make the effrts to bring you back out.

If this sounds like smbdy yuo no......welp, thats what ya gota do! Reech out, evn if the person puts yuo off. keep it up. try to be undrstandng. see the anxiety for what it is. and dont let go.

thanks fr sharing a coke with me ths aftrnoon. and for helping me to come out. Make it a grate day.

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