Saturday, May 29, 2010

Day 361~Copter Chase!

My lovly dauter desided to acdently share her sicky/icky wth me. bless her hart. so tday i wantd to go OWT and do SOMTHNG bfor i start going downhill. "Dont waste the UP time!"
we were driving randmly, enjoyng convo, whatevr.
Sdnly we see this huge ass bizare lookng helicopter wth a big block suspnded underneeth it! Tom like sudnly maks a U-Trrn off onto a trucking distrbushn lot, and spit gravl evrwher! it was sereusly totly "COPS". we got to th end, he leftd it, and ii jumpd owt startd snappng away wt my camra. TOO COOL FR SCOOL!
Aquarians alwas manaj an adventur when needed. this one rockd.

So far, so good on the whol 'living forevr' thing.

Friday, May 28, 2010

ok. makng up fr 2 DAYS heer. ystrday, Day 363, was scan test fest day. the rest of my day was sacrfised to IV valium, just cos i got a bit upset and sombdy freekd owt. anyway, i was parkd in my reclinr and prety mcch ws down fr the cownt.

whn i DID wake up i was pissd. the day was gone, did i do my exrsizes???? i was quikly ashurd.....that...uh....YA thats wt tday was all abowt? lol oh, ok.
so THAT was day 363

TODAY is Day 362. spose to be thundrstorms. i dowt i'l be abl to do a wheelchare walk. but yuo bet i'l be owt ther som how! oh i love th rain. and i dont take lightning for grantd. 2yrs of not being abl to see it due to seezurs has givn me a new sens of apreshashn for it.
i AM stil takng it eezy, cos of stil being wiggl leggd frm ystrday. but i have 2 books to wrrk on that wil keep me bisy. i WILL finish em.

i'm gona add a questn a day.

What was yuor favrit candy as a child and what memry dos it invoke?
(my ansr tmoro)

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Well........ok then

During ths year of enlitenmnt, I am going to becom my own best frend. I'm an aquarius. So ther's alredy alot of 'stuff' ther. But the cosmos has playd a nasty trick on this aquarian, in giving me the anxiety and fears that come wth the brain damaj i have.
I cant do anythng abowt that.
but i CAN do somthng abowt how i respond to my crisis, and needs.
my favrit advise to give is 'ride th wave owt', 'go wth it, it wil be ok'.......
time to take my own advise. treet myslf like i wod my own best frend.

i have alot of inner site. i no things. i will start acting on thos thngs rather than just waching them happn.

I have amazing frends. an incredbl netwrrk across the globe. how did ths happn? ME? who slept on the boat dock as a kid? ME? who hid realty from a comunity and a chrrch to be the 'perfct chrrch famly'? ME? who nevr evr felt 'good enuf' for any persn.
yes. me.
i am lovd. cherishd. i have a good rippl efect. a good hart. i'v ben testd by fire and will not brake. and its time for me to lern to like that person that i am.

yestrday was milkd! Today is still new. This is my way of thinkng. A brand new cleen day. Redy for me to fill it up. What will i choose? What will be deemed imprtnt to spend this preshus time on?

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The Rest of My Life Starts Today! Day 365

To give history isn't importnt rite now. to give goles IS. i feel very capabl of channeling agen. Freed from the quiet poison of fear that had ben consumng me. Research has givn new hope in an oral agent that can cross the blood/brain barrier. Amazng grace indeed. Temozolomide

First a case report: Salvage Therapy With Temozolomide in an Immunocompetent Patient With Primary Brain Lymphoma

“The use of new drugs that cross the blood-brain barrier and enhance the efficacy of high-dose methotrexate and radiotherapy with acceptable toxicity should be pursued in recurrent or refractory disease (5). Temozolomide, an oral alkylating agent, is a suitable candidate for clinical study because it permeates the blood-brain barrier, has in vitro additive cytotoxic activity with radiotherapy (6), and shows only mild toxicity, even in patients older than 60 years of age, who represent about 50% of primary brain lymphoma patients and have a high risk of complications (7). “

“To our knowledge, this patient is the first one with primary brain lymphoma who has been treated with temozolomide. The rapid and complete response suggests a potential therapeutic role for temozolomide. A phase II trial to assess its efficacy in relapsed primary brain lymphoma patients would seem to be indicated.”

And so.
my world is trrnd upon end. evr sins i was 'educatd' of my original patholgy.....i have held a terbl burdn. if my ccancer came bak, and the cells wer in my brain, i wod not be up to the task of anothr fite. and in my thots, i have seen owr eldest graduate. my beutifl dauter gave me my grandson. i have seen my imortalty, as a frend sed to me. i wod be ok to die. the rest of my children wod be ok.

and heer is my promis to myslf.
yuo, my brand new reedrs (if yuo exist) are my witneses.
1 year.
50 pnds lost.
total loss of the wheelchare.
of lungs, hart, the musls i do have.
hart rate and bp wthin norml limits.
i'd like to see less drugs, but i gota do wht i gota do. so ths is th only 1 not concret.
a dedicashn to moving howevr i can evry day...
no mattr what.
whn Alexander Nikolai is running in the park nxt summr, he will be tryng to cach up to nana.
ths is my promis to myslf.
and indeed